George W. Bush and the American Dream

I am going to miss George W. Bush. Sure, he may go down in history as one of, if not the worst president ever. But, how joyous has it been these past eight years watching him stumble through speeches, utter gaffe after gaffe and, well, stumble through countless other speeches? It seems that in recent years Bush has become a kitchy, ironic caricature of the idea of a president. And those who are informed on the workings of the government go through cycles of despise, then back to ironic idolatry, then right back to despise when people realize that he is actually still in charge of our nation. There has been debate over what Bush’s legacy will be: some say AIDS relief, some say Iraq if it pans out well, others argue his legacy will be of incompetence and a systematic destruction of American ideals and freedom. Regardless of what future reflections will dictate, I think we need to take a step back and appreciate everything this man has done for us during his terms in office.

The truth is that Bush is the loveable fuck-up of this country. He’s like Dennis the Menace—the rapscallion we let run around and wreak havoc—except instead of a seemingly innocuous slingshot, he has the most powerful army in the world, and nuclear weapons. And the Middle East just happens to be Mr. Wilson, always getting the brunt of W’s hijinks. But in the end, isn’t that what makes Georgie great? Having him as a president is like seeing a child grow up before your very eyes; his head aflutter with fluttering butterflies fluttering in candy-filled meadows around milkshake waterfalls. How could anyone debase the wonderment of childhood?

There’s also the possibility that God is behind every aspect of his presidency. After all, he has made claims that he was divinely chosen to lead the USA, and that he is a vessel for the Holy Spirit. I ask, what implications does this have for God? My personal belief, is that, if all of this is true (which is very well might be), could God be pulling one over on us? Maybe God is responsible for George in the White House. And maybe, just maybe, He is doing all of this for his own amusement. What’s even funnier is the notion that God is just a prankster, not unlike Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty, and these past eight years have been a setup for Bush to learn life lessons.

The upsetting part about the fate of loveable W. is that unlike past elected presidents such as Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Al Gore who have taken on charities and remained active in the political arena, Bush is likely to fade out of the public eye more than most. I mean, no one would trust him to any sort of diplomatic position, or, let’s face it, any kind of position requiring thought. What follows is short list of possible alternatives for George to fight off boredom after his tenure as Leader of the Free World.

1. Hollywood—I’ve been thinking that it would be great if W. was just using the presidency as a jumping off point until he could get his big break in TV and/or movies. Which brings up the question: what would his projects look like? Well, there are a few options; perhaps he could shoot a pilot for a buddy sitcom with Jeff Foxworthy, or maybe a cameo or bit part on CBS’ Two and a Half Men with Charlie Sheen. Then there’s always the possibility of getting a feature spot on a “Weird Al” Yankovic album. Either way, W. seems like a sure-fire bet in the entertainment industry.

2. State Fairs—Many presidents, once out of office, tend to go on tours of the country/world, promoting books and giving lectures on salient world issues. Truth be told, Bush’s memoirs are likely to be in coloring, picture or pop-up form, so unless he’s touring elementary schools, he won’t make too much difference. So why not State Fairs? He can just get up on a stage, maybe have a couple drinks, and just riff with everyday, common, blue-collar Amuricans.

3. Sales—This may seem sort of a waste of talent for a man of such stature, but is there anything you wouldn’t buy from the former president? Picture W. wearing a cowboy hat, in the middle of Texas, selling Chevy trucks. He would make a killing. Or, he could do infomercials. Get George on at 2 a.m. or later selling Pocket Fishermen or time shares in Orlando and watch the money pile up. Maybe he could be a spokesman for Old Spice or Wrangler or some other product that highlights his red-blooded masculinity.

Whatever W. decides to do (and he will decide, because he’s the decider), I hope he doesn’t fade into obscurity like some may say he should. The man is an icon—a true manifestation of the American Dream—because never has one man with so many limitations gone so far for so long.

-E. (in collaboration with Vic)